The 7 Types of People You Don’t Want at Your Funeral

It’s a fact: You’re going to die someday. And when you die, it’s likely you’ll have a funeral. You want your family and friends to be there, wishing you well into the afterlife. But you’re bound to have some clingers, criers, and a host of unfavorables trying to ruin your mortal remains’ last hurrah. Avoid these seven types of people. You don’t want them at your funeral.

  1. The Cry-er

    The last thing you want at your funeral? Someone to take the attention off of you. Avoid making friends with cry babies, or let your friends know ahead of time that you prefer they do their teeth-gnashing, hair-pulling grieving in private.

  2. The Laugher

    Do you have a friend that makes a joke out of everything? If this would offend you, even in death, make sure not to have them at your funeral. Make sure, however, that they attend your wake.

  3. The Boss

    Do you really want your boss to see your mortal remains to the afterlife? Didn’t you get enough of him when he was hogging all the coffee? Unless you’re invested in your job and fold it into your life, avoid telling your boss when and where you’ll be memorialized. The company will send flowers to the family, either way.

  4. The Ex

    What’s worse than your boss at your funeral? Your bitter ex. You want your funeral to be a celebration of your life, not a laundry list of the people you’ve slept with and dumped. Hopefully, your ex has moved on by now. You’re dead, so — you clearly have.

  5. The Religious Freak

    You might be in heaven, but the last thing you want is some religious freak telling all your loved ones that you’re flying with the angels. Let the more pious and devout (read: square) come to the visitation, or seat them near the preacher and ignore, ignore, ignore.

  6. The Third Cousin Twice Removed

    Hillbillies and felons do not belong at your funeral. Or, maybe they do, but you certainly don’t want them there. Everyone’s got that one cousin with the neck tattoo or the lack of teeth. You don’t want those people at your funeral.

  7. The Funeral Crasher

    If you know someone who uses significant life events to get dates, don’t invite them to your funeral. They may put the “fun” in it, but this is about you — not about nookie!